The Difference Between Men And Women’s Orgasms & How To Have Better Orgasms 

Explosive! INTENSE. Relief.  All these words are used to describe the euphoric feeling of an orgasm. While men and women do tend to describe orgasms in similar ways, there are also words that people with penises would use to describe orgasms that vagina-havers would not. For example, few women would describe their orgasms as explosive, because they rarely are. While a man’s orgasm involves the release of semen from the penis, a woman’s orgasm can be more subtle—and while prostatic fluid is released during female ejaculation—it is not generally explosive (though it can be, and this is known as “squirting”). 

Orgasms are a response to sexual stimulation and aid in conception (at least male orgasms, the female orgasm is not necessary for pregnancy). While sex with a partner or masturbation is the most common way that people reach orgasm, physical stimulation is not necessary to reach an orgasm. With the purpose of orgasms and the individual needs for orgasms varying widely, the difference between male and female orgasms is more than the simple mechanics. 

Understanding Orgasms 

The most obvious differences between male and female orgasms—as noted above—are the physical ones. This is the result of basic biology, but it is still important to understand how the genitalia and biological needs for reproduction affect male and female orgasms as a whole. 

The Male Orgasm 

The male orgasm primarily involves the testicles and penis. With sperm stored in the testes (located in the testicles), sexual stimulation and increased blood flow to the area, can cause ejaculation of semen via contraction of the prostate. Physical stimulation on the outside of the penis and testicles is generally the cause of an orgasm—in contrast to the internal stimulation often involved in a female orgasm. 

When ejaculation occurs, the penis will often begin to go soft as blood retreats from the area. Men also have a longer recovery period than women which means that they need to wait longer before they can get an erection again and orgasm again. This means that men can only have one orgasm at a time, but can normally achieve orgasm faster and more consistently. Different forms of male orgasm exist, but they generally present similarly to a traditional single male orgasm. Therefore, it can be difficult to identify these orgasms in the moment. 

The Female Orgasm 

The female orgasm is less understood and often considered to be more complicated because there is no clear purpose. Stimulation can come from inside the vagina as well as external stimulation of the clitoris and vulva. However, only about 25% of women consistently orgasm from vaginal only stimulation. 

Similar to the build-up of the male orgasm, blood flow to the genital region increases, causing the vulva to swell. The vaginal walls begin producing fluid which acts as a form of natural lubricant (though using lube is still very much recommended for penetrative sex). Achieving a female orgasm often requires longer—an average of 14 minutes—in comparison to a five to seven-minute average for men. 

However, this longer build-up often pays off with women enjoying longer orgasms—between 13 and 51 seconds—versus only about five to 22 seconds for men. Women can also have multiple orgasms in shorter succession and enjoy multiple orgasms at the same time. Once they reach orgasm, they may or may not ejaculate. Female orgasms also tend to be less explosive, even when ejaculation occurs, but this does not equal less pleasure or intensity. 

Psychological Differences Between Male & Female Orgasms 

Before understanding the psychological differences between the psychological effects of orgasms on men and women, it is important to understand how they are similar. In general, orgasms are considered positive for overall mental well being with men and women finding benefits such as: 

• Helps reduce stress levels 
• Promote better sleep 
• Lessened anxiety 
• Better mood 
• Increased intimacy between partners 
• More body confidence 
• Improved focus 

Regular orgasms release a variety of “happy” hormones which can be beneficial to the body in the long term. Along with the mental health benefits, orgasms may help lower the risk or effects of certain chronic conditions like lowering blood pressure, better cardiovascular health, and helping to manage the symptoms of menopause, among others. 

The psychological differences between male and female orgasms are less stark than the biological ones. However, there is a greater individual variance between patients. With that said, many of the psychological differences between the male and female orgasm come from frustration with the orgasm gap. Over half of women have admitted to faking an orgasm whereas only about a quarter of men have done the same. The inability or difficulty in reaching orgasm can negatively impact both partners, but can also cause more negative attitudes toward sex from women. 

Additionally, women tend to place more importance on having familiar partners, with only a four percent likelihood of orgasming during a first-time hookup. Men have a 55 percent likelihood—which is still significantly reduced from the 85 percent likelihood of orgasm with a familiar partner. 

With that said, orgasms are not always necessary for sexual satisfaction, though women appear to place less importance on this factor. Women may also be more likely to describe full body involvement with an orgasm—whether the build up to it or the orgasm itself. 

The Orgasm Gap & Societal Differences Between The Male & Female Orgasm 

The orgasm gap is a term that refers to the fact that heterosexual women have fewer orgasms during sex with a partner than in other couplings or sexual situations. Lesbians, for example, report a much higher orgasm rate in comparison to heterosexual women. So, why are heterosexual women having fewer orgasms? There is not one simple answer. 

Firstly, most experts agree that the orgasm gap is a cultural problem. One of the more notable possibilities is a lack of understanding of female anatomy among people of all genders. This can make it more difficult for men to adequately pleasure a female partner and a woman to not know how to instruct him or pleasure herself. Lack of knowledge of female anatomy can also affect confidence levels in both genders which can make orgasms less likely. 

Secondly, historically, a woman’s orgasm has taken on various roles throughout history and culture. Some cultures such as Elizabethan England believed that both partners needed to orgasm for conception to occur. Two hundred years later, doctors prescribed orgasms (at their own hands) to treat “hysteria.” 

Despite surprisingly positive attitudes toward the female orgasm, it was still a taboo topic and the idea of a woman masturbating was still controversial in the mid-twentieth century. Yet, while female orgasms were viewed positively in the privacy of a bedroom and slowly began to gain more broad acceptances, they remain largely misunderstood, especially in a social and societal context. 

Tips For Having Better Orgasms 

Achieving an orgasm can look different for everyone. The human body is full of connected nerves and sensations that can lead to arousal. In fact, physical stimilation is not always needed with thoughts or other inputs being enough to get some people to reach orgasm. However, there are many people—especially women—who struggle to have satisfying orgasms regularly. Here are some tips that may help you have a better orgasm. 

#1: Know What Works 

Knowing your own body allows you to better communicate you a sexual partner what you like. Can you orgasm from penetrative sex only? Do you need clitoral stimulation? Does a certain position provide better feeling orgasms? Many of these questions can be answered through masturbation or reflection on past sexual experiences. 

#2: Learn The Art Of Communication 

 Communication is rarely seen as sexy, but it is absolutely essential to ensure a safe and pleasurable experience with everyone involved. It also can help you instruct your partner on what you like and what to do to help you achieve the best possible orgasm. 

#3: Own The Right Sex Toys 

Not all sex toys are created equal. Some are for niche interests or kinks while others do not reliably bring you to orgasm. The Erosscia vibrator attachments are designed to work for everyone and anywhere you can use a vibrator. All of the toothbrush vibrator attachments are not too big or too small and take on a non-phallic appearance for those who want a vibrator without the appearance of a massive veiny cock. 

#4: Be Assertive 

It can be difficult to advocate for yourself, but those that do tend to have more and better orgasms. Practice asserting your needs before, during, and after sex. This can also help enhance confidence which can further improve orgasms.